Therapy for Shame in Seattle, WA

What makes me a good therapist for working with shame?

I have lived with shame for what feels like my whole life. My cultural background emphasized shame as a means of conformity and mitigation of fear, without ever saying as much explicitly. I am a survivor of religious trauma, and this has been the primary focus of my work with clients since 2022. If you feel shame, I don’t judge you for that. I no longer judge myself for having shame, and I have learned how to befriend and live with the shame I still carry with me.

How do you start recovering from shame?

The clients I serve best have invariably found shame at the core of their long-term issues and discomfort. My therapeutic approach allows them to see their shame from a non-judgmental perspective, rather than by feeling yet another layer of shame on top.

What is shame?

I have developed, through my client work, an understanding that shame is plural, rather than singular. It consists of more than one part of us. I often refer to it as a “Shame Complex.” Other IFS practitioners might refer to it as a “constellation” of parts, or one part of us containing many sub-parts. When clients start talking about shame, I can help them quickly identify the different forms, roles, and behavior of their shame parts.

What does it mean to befriend shame?

By narrowing down shame parts one at a time, we can move away from the traditional religious belief that shame is good because it causes us to avoid certain behaviors. We can also move away from the belief that shame is bad because it is inaccurate and leads us down destructive spirals. Rather, we can see that shame comes from a good place because it tries to protect us, and we can heal by helping our parts that feel shame. We can also learn to tolerate shame, rather than treat it as a sign that we have to change everything about ourselves.